A few weeks ago, I took a walk in Manhattan, the New York City that was the scene of the most recent NYC marathon, the one that saw over 100,000 runners run the distance and saw the death toll skyrocket.
In the months since, I’ve been overwhelmed by the incredible generosity and support that people have shown for me.
I’m very thankful to all of you who have shared my story.
But I also want to thank my wife and kids, and to all the people who are helping me keep going.
I want to share with you some of the things that are on my minds right now.
My biggest concern right now is how I can manage this new situation.
The stress, the anxiety, the fear are just not worth it.
What am I going to do?
How am I coping with it?
How are I going, “What the heck am I doing?
How can I even get through this?”
It’s not worth going through this.
I know the pressure is on, but I can’t help but feel like this is the only option for me right now, and the only way to keep going is to do everything I can to keep moving forward.
I don’t want to go through this again.
I think I’ve gotten through it enough times to know that I can overcome anything, and that the world is in my hands.
I have no idea how long this will last, and I don`t want to start again.
But the only thing I know is that I am going to continue to run, and for the next few months, I`ll be doing everything I know how to do, whether it`s a marathon, a half marathon, or an ultramarathon.
And hopefully the people I run with will continue to support me, and if they don`ll, I hope they will find a way to help me as well.
I hope you know that this has been a difficult time for me, but that I have not lost faith in the people that have helped me through it.
This has not been an easy time for you, and it is not an easy transition.
I will be keeping my head down and continuing to go as far as I can while still being my own best self.
I can see where my head is at right now and am trying to stay positive.
And I am also grateful to all my family and friends.
My husband is going through some very difficult times, and he`s been through some really tough moments in his life.
He has a very strong sense of family, and this is not about me.
This is about him and his family, so I am not going to hide my pain.
But as he said, I can`t have that again.
The only thing that I know I can do is keep moving, keep moving as hard as I do.
And just keep being the person I am right now — a person that can keep moving and doing things I love doing.
As for my children, I will continue doing what I love to do with them.
They know I love them, and they love running.
But they also know that if they keep going, I may never be able to see them again.
That is not a thing that will change.
I love my kids.
They are going to be fine.
My goal is to keep running, but for now, I have to focus on my family, my job, and my life.
I`m going to keep trying to keep up with the challenges that are out there and to stay focused on the things I can control.
If I keep going and I keep working hard, and keep loving the work I do and the people around me, I believe I will keep going through whatever it is.
But if I don`,t, I know that it will be a difficult journey.
If that`s what it takes, I do not know what I`ve ever been through.
And that is not what I want for my kids or my family.
So I`re going to take it day by day, day by little step, and make sure that this is what I do to make it through this, no matter what.
But it`ll take a lot more than just getting through this for me to really get through it again.
____________________ Follow me on Twitter: @paulnelson_wins